The Last few months have been rough for me. In October I… Well I got into a type of depression. I had never been before, and I thought I never would.
I believe that my world just got lonely and I was tired. For the Six years Mom was gone someone was around. My Grandparents moved right down the street and my Brother and his family was around too. However in 2014 they both moved away. Now the four of us are the only family less then 3 hours away. That Was New. However I don’t think it kicked in until we saw them both in a month. September 2015 we went to visit our Grandparents, and then one week later my Brother and his family were here to visit us. I realized what I missed so much. I am close with my papa and my eldest brother. Also in September I thought I was going to be able to get a job, however I had to be 21 to work there. So I guess I felt down.
On October 24th I was supposed to go with Mrs. C and her daughters to visit Mom’s grave. However I had been sick for several days before, and I thought I was better. But when I woke up I was sick again. I was very upset, and heartbroken that I would have to call it off. So my sister told them I wasn’t feeling well, and we canceled. I went back to sleep around 9:30 a.m. and stayed in bed until 5:30 p.m. I was Scared to get out of bed. I texted my sister and she came back to the room. Through tears I told her how scared I was to get out of bed, but that I needed her help to get up. She helped me out, and for a few minutes I just hugged her shaking. We tried a bath, but I guess that was a semi-good idea. I hadn’t eaten all day, and the bath was very hot, so I ended up almost fainting. But thanks to my sister I didn’t. The moment I stepped out of the tub, I felt dizzy. I dried to gain strength enough to send a text to my sister. I told that I needed HELP and to bring cold water. (She had fainted three times before and had learned how to stop, so she helped me. She told me to sit, drink water, swing my legs, and she also gave me peppermint to smell. In two minutes I was good to go.) Now After the bath I was still so tired, I just waited until 10:00 p.m. to go to bed. That is what I did. For several days I was miserable. I went up and down in my mood. I didn’t feel like doing anything most of the time. I just tried to get out of bed every day. This kept going until December 13th. (However I had done good Nov 13th-Dec 3rd. On the 5th I went backwards. and had stayed there) On that day Papa and Grandma came to visit. I was probably a sight. (My sister and Dad said I didn’t smile anymore.) They left the next day, but not without Grandma giving me Vitamin D Vitamins. I was to take three a day. That is exactly what I did. (I wasn’t getting much sleep, and not eating well.) After Three days I could already tell there was a difference.
Let me stop for a moment. Through this time I was trying to find the reason God was having me go through this. (From the moment I was scared getting out of bed I wondered why. I had learned God is always in control the year before, and was looking for the reason.) However I found a song that changed my view on how to view things. Yes I should know there is a reason, but sometimes I don’t need to know that reason. The song was “Better than I” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4c7DaAAGrQ&feature=share I watched that movie and that song struck a cord. I cried many tears through this song. I have listened to it over 100 times now.
And there is another song that has helped “Even There” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZHZ9Ou50aM
God is with me everywhere.
Now back to it. So on Dec 16th I could tell a difference. I started to have more energy. I had a okay Christmas, Which was better than I thought it would be. Come January I was getting even better. Dad decided to get me some more Vitamins. I got a Multi-Vitamin and started to take that. It definitely helped. In January I had Lunch with Mrs. C and her daughters. I believe that is when I started to improve inwardly. I felt so bad I canceled Oct 24th, and I hadn’t seen them since. The next week I then went to visit Mrs. Slinker at the rehabilitation center. This also was a help. Helping someone else, ended up helping me. I have been to see her several time. She got me out of the house which I think was a big help. Yes now I am doing good.
Now I am just dealing with getting over the rest of it. I have fears and I get really anxious sometimes. But with the Lord I know I will get through this, and I will be better than ever before.
God is good!
Some verses that have been a help.
Psalm 28:6-8, “Blessed be the LORD, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications.The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. The LORD is their strength, and he is the saving strength of his anointed.”
Isaiah 41:10, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
Nahum 1:7, “The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him.”
Proverbs 3:5,6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
A Song “Bow the knee”- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuZltbXH9KQ
God Bless!
