Well, I did it!
After a month of praying and waiting the 24th arrived and I was able to go through with it! I feel good knowing that what started me on this trail and I was worried I would do the same thing as before… I got up, trusted God that everything was in His will. I slept good last night. I no longer look at October 24th as horrible anymore, I just conquered it!
Thank you Lord for being with me, and helping me through!
Over time I am getting better… Each day I must determine what I am going to be like. Will I let fear win or will I trust God throughout the day. That choice makes a difference.
Nights are rough for me, since they get my mind thinking. My head has also gotten sensitive at night again, so I am more susceptible to headaches. Whenever I feel one coming on I rub an ice cube on my face, or rinse with cold water. It helps my mind not focus on my head, and turns it to how cold my face is.
I am trying to gather and keep all the courage and strength I can for the 24th. I see it as a brick wall I must get through, and even if I am bruised at least I will be through. God is my strength and he will help me.
I feel as if I have lost the grip on my life… I want to do something, but I don’t want to. Like chores. The little things can sometimes be hard to just do.
I am trying to be in God’s word more. I am reading the book again called “Be Still, My Child.” I first read it when God was teaching me about trust and faith the first time. Also I found a commentary on Psalms by Charles Spurgeon I am going to try and read that too. I am also going through James once a week with my sister, and of course the Bible study book. I just pray that the Lord will help me get back on my feet.
Today is Mothers Day… Which for the past seven years has been a difficult day. Even though I don’t have a Mother now, I look back and remember the good times, and I think about all the Mothers I know. (My grandmother Etc.)
I hope you love your Mother, and If you do that you tell her that. Please tell her you love her if you do. If you don’t ask your Mom to tell you about all she does for you, you will change your mind. And even if she doesn’t seem to love you, love her anyway… that is what love is.
Over the past month I have began to noticed how I view myself differently.
Yesterday I told my sister that for once in my life I accept everything about myself. My flaws, my gifts, my quirks, and just plain ole me. Feeling good about myself makes me feel really good. I can laugh at myself, take advice, and be me more freely.
God is good. This trial is the best thing that couldn’t happened. I am less fearful, and I like myself! Thanks to the Lord I have made it through… It brings me to tears just thinking about all He has done for me these past six months.
I just got back from a work trip I took Thursday-Saturday. We went to this place called Elijah’s Harbor in Tenn. There was a total of nine people that went. We got two bedrooms, a dining room and entry-way painted. We also got a good portion of landscaping done.
Elijah’s Harbor is a fancy bed & breakfast you might say. Additionally you can have all three meals served or you can make your own. Each meal is professionally made with no sparing. (Be prepared to be full) There is a mansion and individual houses. Animals, fishing, a pool, and much more. It is a beautiful place to visit!
A Picture of the Mansion-
Ps. Great for Christian retreats!
His Promise
When I awoke this morning,
A question came to me:
“I wonder, oh, I wonder,
What this day will hold for me?”
As I pondered o’er the question,
“Are you afraid to face the day?”
Quickly came my Savior’s promise,
“I will guide you all the way.”
Tenderly he whispers to me,
“Trust me when in sinking sand,
Keep your face like flint toward heaven
I will always hold your hand.”
And again this promise grips me
Romans 8, verse 28
Stands as true as when first given;
It will work if we but wait.
“Written by: Mildred Cleer March 1947
(This special women was my Great Grandmother,
I only new her when I was young, but I remember a
Very dedicated woman.)-Vonda”
Ps. Vonda was my Mother
Stinky socks quickly go
Over and under the
Couch cushions
Kids jumping!
Sock falling
Gooey sticky
Little white stuff on a
Umbrella to keep it snug
Easy stuff to put on
Walk through a rainbow meadow with me
What do you see?
Yellow bright daisy’s, Red roses
Green green grass, Blue chicory
Blue cornflowers, and,
Pink forget me not’s,
Glittering in the bright warm sun
Waving back and forth in the wind
“Rebekah and I were in the backyard at night. We were talking and laughing, and then I pointed someone out. It was Jesus. The rapture had come. He walked toward me, Rebekah was out of my mind I just saw Jesus. He gave me the most beautiful robe I had ever seen. I started up into the sky with Him. I went all the way up. I saw the different layers of the ozone. I saw space and all the stars and all the Galaxy’s. It was amazing! We got to Heaven and I was in awe. The first person I recognized was Nathan. I went and hugged him and then I said where is Mom. So Nathan and I went looking for her. In my dream people were in alphabetical order. So there was a place for A,B,C,D,E,F and G,H,I,J,K,L and M,N,O,P,Q,R and S,T,U and V,W,X,Y,Z. So we look for the sign that says VWXYZ. We found it and I looked through all the people there and I saw Mom. I ran to her and I hugged her so tight that done on earth if I did that to someone they would have died. I was crying tears of joy and I didn’t stop hugging her for the longest time. Next I started to walk around looking at all the beauty. Then I saw Grandpa Pycraft, Grandma Smith, and Joanne (an older lady I was close to) running down the streets of Gold, what a sight. I waved and we all started talking.”
I think I had this dream in 2013.
As we come to another Easter let us remember why we celebrate it. It is not for egg hunts, treats, and pretty cards-but it is a day to remember what our savior did for us. (John 14:19) “Because I live, ye shall live also” (John 3:16) “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
These truths are true for those who have put their trust in Christ Jesus! For those who have not, I pray that this may be the time where you will give your life to Him, and live forever in his great grace and mercy. Easter I think is Valentine’s Day, Independence Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all in one.
Valentines-There was a love far greater than ever on Calvary. We share that love through cards.
Independence-Freedom from Satan through Christ!
Thanksgiving-We thank God for coming for us, and share a meal.
Christmas-We celebrate Christ, remember what he did, and sing songs. A few came to my head the other night. Old Rugged Cross, At Calvary, Heaven came down, He lives, and Near the Cross.
Easter has to be my favorite Holiday.
It brings me to tears thinking of what he did for me. How could he love me so much… I am so thankful for what He did at Calvary! His love is so amazing, I am humbled. Thank you Lord!
This Easter spread the word- Our God did not stay in the tomb, HE IS ALIVE!!!!
The Last few months have been rough for me. In October I… Well I got into a type of depression. I had never been before, and I thought I never would.
I believe that my world just got lonely and I was tired. For the Six years Mom was gone someone was around. My Grandparents moved right down the street and my Brother and his family was around too. However in 2014 they both moved away. Now the four of us are the only family less then 3 hours away. That Was New. However I don’t think it kicked in until we saw them both in a month. September 2015 we went to visit our Grandparents, and then one week later my Brother and his family were here to visit us. I realized what I missed so much. I am close with my papa and my eldest brother. Also in September I thought I was going to be able to get a job, however I had to be 21 to work there. So I guess I felt down.
On October 24th I was supposed to go with Mrs. C and her daughters to visit Mom’s grave. However I had been sick for several days before, and I thought I was better. But when I woke up I was sick again. I was very upset, and heartbroken that I would have to call it off. So my sister told them I wasn’t feeling well, and we canceled. I went back to sleep around 9:30 a.m. and stayed in bed until 5:30 p.m. I was Scared to get out of bed. I texted my sister and she came back to the room. Through tears I told her how scared I was to get out of bed, but that I needed her help to get up. She helped me out, and for a few minutes I just hugged her shaking. We tried a bath, but I guess that was a semi-good idea. I hadn’t eaten all day, and the bath was very hot, so I ended up almost fainting. But thanks to my sister I didn’t. The moment I stepped out of the tub, I felt dizzy. I dried to gain strength enough to send a text to my sister. I told that I needed HELP and to bring cold water. (She had fainted three times before and had learned how to stop, so she helped me. She told me to sit, drink water, swing my legs, and she also gave me peppermint to smell. In two minutes I was good to go.) Now After the bath I was still so tired, I just waited until 10:00 p.m. to go to bed. That is what I did. For several days I was miserable. I went up and down in my mood. I didn’t feel like doing anything most of the time. I just tried to get out of bed every day. This kept going until December 13th. (However I had done good Nov 13th-Dec 3rd. On the 5th I went backwards. and had stayed there) On that day Papa and Grandma came to visit. I was probably a sight. (My sister and Dad said I didn’t smile anymore.) They left the next day, but not without Grandma giving me Vitamin D Vitamins. I was to take three a day. That is exactly what I did. (I wasn’t getting much sleep, and not eating well.) After Three days I could already tell there was a difference.
Let me stop for a moment. Through this time I was trying to find the reason God was having me go through this. (From the moment I was scared getting out of bed I wondered why. I had learned God is always in control the year before, and was looking for the reason.) However I found a song that changed my view on how to view things. Yes I should know there is a reason, but sometimes I don’t need to know that reason. The song was “Better than I” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4c7DaAAGrQ&feature=share I watched that movie and that song struck a cord. I cried many tears through this song. I have listened to it over 100 times now.
And there is another song that has helped “Even There” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZHZ9Ou50aM
God is with me everywhere.
Now back to it. So on Dec 16th I could tell a difference. I started to have more energy. I had a okay Christmas, Which was better than I thought it would be. Come January I was getting even better. Dad decided to get me some more Vitamins. I got a Multi-Vitamin and started to take that. It definitely helped. In January I had Lunch with Mrs. C and her daughters. I believe that is when I started to improve inwardly. I felt so bad I canceled Oct 24th, and I hadn’t seen them since. The next week I then went to visit Mrs. Slinker at the rehabilitation center. This also was a help. Helping someone else, ended up helping me. I have been to see her several time. She got me out of the house which I think was a big help. Yes now I am doing good.
Now I am just dealing with getting over the rest of it. I have fears and I get really anxious sometimes. But with the Lord I know I will get through this, and I will be better than ever before.
God is good!
Some verses that have been a help.
Psalm 28:6-8, “Blessed be the LORD, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications.The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. The LORD is their strength, and he is the saving strength of his anointed.”
Isaiah 41:10, “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
Nahum 1:7, “The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him.”
Proverbs 3:5,6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
A Song “Bow the knee”- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuZltbXH9KQ
God Bless!